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| Dear Slovie,
I am glad that I found someone that I can tell my problem to. It may not sound terrible to you but I am eating my heart out. Please do not use my name, I don't want anyone to know about this letter. My daughter was going with this boy and then they broke up. She is now with a new boyfriend whom I like very much. My daughter's ex-boyfriend Mark is still friends with her cousin Joe. My daughter can not tell them not to be friends but it seems that her cousin Mark and his girlfriend Sara who remained friends with my daughters's ex Joe are always inviting my daughters ex before my daughter. She feels a betrayal. My daughter feels that she should come first before Mark. When it comes to a party he was already invited and my daughter won't go feeling uncomfortable that Mark would be there. Also to bring a new boyfriend with her, she feels very awkward. It happened afew times already and I don't want to break the family up, but I want to say something that I feel that this is all wrong and my daughter being family/friend should come first. Also, Mark's girlfriend Sara will talk about my daughter when she can't make it to some occassion or something. Where is it her business? I cry from all this and worry that There will be any friction in the family, which I am started to feel a resentment towards my nephew and his girlfriend for not putting my daughter first. What advice can you give me? I feel like not bothering with them anymore because it hurts my daughter. Please answer soon, I have such pains in my stomach.
Thank you |
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Reply: |
| We all have choices to make in life. One of the most important choices we make is how to live our lives, especially in front of our kids. You are baisically asking if you should create a potential fight in your family over your daughter's exboyfriend. I am not saying that your family is acting properly, but here's a good rule to follow in life: we cannot control other people's actions but we CAN control our reactions. If you mention in passing your hurt in a calm way and don't feel that you are being listened to, do not fight...rather, always take the high road in life and seek peace as the Torah teaches us to follow the ways of Aarron.My father always said: you don't have to see everything, you don't have to hear everything..Put a smile on your face and never listen to gossip or what others are saying about you-it's not the
Torah way! You will find yourself a much happier and peacefil person, and you will be a great example to your kids, which is what parenting is all about... slovie |
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