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| Dear Slovie,
I am writing to you because I need help in making a decision. At this moment I am working in a womens boutique that my husband and I own and operate. We have been in business for four yeas and Baruch hashem they have been successful. This year we have felt the change in economy. Still I enjoy what I do(sales and fashion merchandising). But at the end of the day I am left with a hole of emptyness and a mal contentment. I could be wrong but many women who come to shop use it as therapy or just something to let the time pass. I see the same women again and again who need more. To me they appear lost. I try to make them laugh and express words of encouragment. Whether it be reconnecting with family or about their weight issue. On a daily basis I feel empty and my time wasted. Even though I have provided strength for some and gained financially for family. You see I have a beautiful 2 year old at home (kanehura)some days with a sitter and other days with his grandmothers. And another blessing on the way. Baruch hashem. David and I spend some time together in the morning and them sometime before he goes to bed at night. I try to teach him Torah in ways that a two yr old would understand. The shema. Mo de ani. Tzedakah. Etc. Why do I feel I should be at home caring for my son to see him learn and grow. I feel I could be doing much more for our family at home than work all day. Am I being less of a mother?
My husband is supportive. A great man and father.I Try explaining to him that maybe this is not for me anymore. As we started our business journey it was him and I. Now we have a family. Maybe my purpose has changed.
His answer is: people come to see you. Not the emlpoyees. Are you sure you want to take a days off? We may be busy today and have a couple great customers. I know why he does this. He knows my selling ability. And values that all the time. I want to be home with my family to create shalom bias. He tells me I will get bored staying home. But who gets bored at home cooking, cleaning ,laundry ,nursing a baby connecting with their children. I know I thank hashem for every moment of it. How do I been strong and say it's enough? Please guide me. I apologize for this being long and run on. I tried getting to the point in fewer sentences.
Thank you Slovie for taking your time. I am grateful for any help you can give me.
Be well.
Marcie
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Reply: |
| I cannot, of course, make this decision for you; but I can offer you some words of wisdom. The debate between working mothers vs stay at home mothers is endless and I will not add to it. But let's talk about you. You would like to be at home more with your child-and future children, with G-d's help.If it is a matter of finances and your husband needs you to stay at work so that you can manage your bills, then you must discuss with him how you both would manage now that you are not working. But if your husband thinks that you will be bored and that people need you to talk to them when they shop as their 'therapist', well that is totally different. There is no one in this world who can love your children as much as you do. Why would you want to spend your time and energy talking to your shoppers and making them feel better when you can give love and life and teachings to your own chiildren? If we realize that it is so much more than just cooking, cleaning, playing, interacting-it is the future generation that you are raising. And our children take in everything that we do and learn from it how to be a mensch-or not.The way you answer the phone, talk to people, react to them-everything you do in a day impacts your child. Raising a child is called 'meleches kodesh'-holy work! So, if it is a financial concern, then of course, you need to figure this out together with your husband. But if it is a social decision-who comes before your own child????? And if your husband is afraid that you will be bored, be sure to carve out some time in the week for you to either go to a class or do something that you enjoy, perhaps you may even go to the store part time and cut down your hours so that you can still be a partner with your husband in the shop. But you will feel most fulfilled as you raise children and feel that you are investing yourself in thier lives.
May you see great joy and nachas from your family,
slovir |
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